What Do You Do at the End of Your Rope?
It’s funny how things always, without fail, forever and ever fall into place.
Funny how I called my in-laws Sunday night to see if we could come over and visit them on Monday, even though on any normal Monday we’d need to stay home and relax.
Funny how I woke up exhausted this morning after a very long Thanksgiving weekend and looked at the clock to realize that it was an hour and a half later than we usually get up – they had let me sleep in.
Funny how I was still crabby and impatient.
Funny how my impatience was way out of check and that was very apparent in my 2 year old who just couldnt get it together(I’d feel the same if I was getting those impatient/not-calm/not-happy/not-peaceful vibes from my mom and my whole day was thrown off).
Funny how I had called my in-laws the night before and needed that time with them so very much, even though I hadn’t know that when I asked them.
Funny how just stopping yourself as you get in the car, closing your eyes, taking a few deep breaths and asking for a little bit of help from God can bring so much peace.
Funny how getting out of the car and going back around the car and apologizing to a two year old for your impatience can bring you to tears.
Funny how those tears can turn into a smile with tears trickling down your face when that two year old tells you it’s ok and says “Me sorry, too” and you can see her whole body and demeanor relax to know that your crossness is gone.
Funny how the smile and trickling turns into a bigger smile, laughter and alligator tears falling when you go around to the other side of the car to kiss the 8 month old, too, and his gummy smile and excitedly waving hands and feet just because he’s seeing you melt your heart into a million tiny pieces of joy.
Funny how you can still feel more exhausted than you have in a long time, but still feel better.
Funny how a nap in the afternoon can rejuvenate you.
Funny how going to your part-time job and having time alone in the car driving back and forth can seem like such a treasured, novel luxury.
Funny how getting to leave work early bring a bit of joy to go shop for ornaments for the newly decorated and named “Happy Tree” with a gift card.
Funny how you get into the car after buying those ornaments and hear a radio show with a rebroadcast of an old Oprah and the first words you hear are, “You DO NOT have the luxury anymore. You are a mother.” You realie how true it is – you GLADLY no longer have the luxury of being self-centered and choosing to wake up grumpy, of not taking care of yourself, of not setting an example for your children of how to treat others in the world – starting with them.
Funny how you get home, can’t sleep again and start reading blogs.
Funny how you’re still tired and need to close the laptop, but want to take just a few more minutes to plan for tomorrow so that you fit in moments for warm cups of tea, just playing with your kids if everyone is still feeling worn down and plan for cozy naps under big quilts.