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The Problem With My Parenting Consistency

January 3, 2010

This is the problem:

That’s it in a nutshell. Those sleepy eyes that he sometimes doesn’t even open when he gets up in the middle of the night. Consistency is so.very.hard on nights when I hear his little sleepy cry and pick him up with his little baby bird open mouth searching and I want to just scoop him up forever and pause life for a really long time while I stand swaying with him with his head so perfectly tucked into the spot in my neck when I can just keep giving him kisses on his sweet little cheeks. I know too well how quickly these days will be gone. Amelia reminds me daily. This is the difference a year makes:

January 2008

January 2009

January 2010

Nick has slept all night the past two night.  While I’m so very happy and thankful  for the way I feel when I wake up in the morning after a full night of sleep for the first time in almost a year, it’s bittersweet. These sleepy baby nights where he wants nothing but his head on my shoulder are going to be gone and I keep thinking that each time he cries it could be our last middle-of-the-night lovey time and I’m just so not ready to let go of that yet. It was less than 9 months ago that he was this small:

So, this is my way of saying that I’m not huge on specific resolutions. But my mind has been heading in that direction lately because I need some major changes, so I’m setting some intentions for myself in general. The biggest is to just be more present and mindful – for myself, for my kids and husband. To experience life more joyfully and more fully instead of just coasting along without truly living. I don’t want to miss a second.

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