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Transitioning From One to Two Kids

July 12, 2010

For some reason, the subject of going from one little one to two keeps coming up lately. I wouldn’t call myself an expert by any stretch. I struggled with the transition. A lot.  Lately, though, I’ve been starting to get that feeling. The feelings, the pangs, when I see newborns that make me realize that Nick isn’t so little any more.  I find myself clinging to the little bits of baby lately – especially the sleepy snuggles. It’s hard to believe that it was less than a year and a half ago that I was freaking out about a new baby and how everything would change. Then, a friend was talking about having a baby soon(so soon – August!) and asked what I would go back and tell my 35-40 week pregnant self one .

So, this post is for all those mamas out there thinking about having another baby. Or almost ready to have another baby. Or with another one who is little and in the midst of a day like this:

This is what I’d say:

-That your heart absolutely WILL swell and grow and create even more love than you can imagine, even though you can’t even fathom how it’s possible to love another sweet little one as much as the one you already have.
-That the older one WILL be ok and will have lots to gain in the process of losing her only childness.
-That the issue of her being alone when I went to the hospital really was just a tiny blip on the radar of the grand scheme of things and she was 150% fine and loved the time with her grandparents.(I don’t know if I’m just an odd ball, but for some reason I really freaked out about that one – especially that she was going to feel abandoned, etc. and then even more so when I brought another baby home. It really wasn’t a big deal, especially since John went home with her to stay normal at night, etc.)
-That things will absolutely change and you will create a new norm and may mourn a bit of the old “normal” and that’s a normal way to feel, but it will fade over time.
-That even though the transition was/is tough in ways I expected, it’s even more fantastic in ways I never could have imagined!
-There may seem to be a bit of imbalance at times, but as a whole there’s usually at least a balance of only one very needy child at a time. Every so often it’s both, but even as a newborn Nick seemed to “get” when Mia needed me a bit more because she was having a hard time and Mia was generally good about playing or helping a bit if Nick was crying and crying, etc.
-That even when we have hard days, they’re both growing and adapting beautifully. I expected it to be hard and worried about the transition, but in many ways Mia especially blew me out of the water with her ability to adapt and go with the flow and just move forward with life as a happy little person.
-That watching their relationship grow from the start is an incredible thing to witness in life.
-Most of all: she’ll probably hardly even remember life without him. Even though we’ll remember our time with just our little family of three, they’ll both go through life only ever knowing that they had one another by their side. I like that.
5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2010 9:46 pm

    nice article…

    My wife and I have been there. We’ve just had a baby again as well

  2. July 12, 2010 10:10 pm

    omg, I needed to read that. thank you!

    Baby #2 is due in a few weeks and I am starting to worry and wonder about all the things you just wrote about. Thank you for the reassurance that a) my thoughts and feelings are normal and b) it will be fantastic having two beautiful children to love! 🙂

  3. July 13, 2010 5:39 pm

    Boo, you made me tear up!

    Just think, if 2 are good, 3 are GREAT!!

  4. July 13, 2010 7:28 pm

    Thank you for this post. I have been worried about our transition to two … esp since we’re in the process of selling our house and buying a new one so a move is pending. Your peonies post was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it again.
    Also, I appreciate your email re: my photo questions! Sorry that I haven’t had a chance to respond.

  5. July 16, 2010 10:45 am

    I found you from Small Notebook.

    I love your post. I have a 15 month old and baby #2 is arriving October 5th. I’m very concerned about the transition (for all of us). Your post gives me peace in knowing it will all work out in the end.

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