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Digging Deep

February 22, 2011

We’ve spent a lot of time in the past year just working hard to feel like we’re getting our heads above water financially. Taboo to say out loud, sure, but statistics show that it’s more likely than not that you’re in the same boat or a similar one or at the very least know someone in a similar spot.

Just when we’ve begun to feel like we’ve finally gotten away from the point where any little emergency might break us, it feels we’re ready to go and add something new into our mix.

Talk about Homeschooling. And Adoption. Big Things. Important things. Things that matter deeply and take so much thought and consideration. Things that may or may not ever happen, but require consideration and prayer and planning and feel so huge until you just jump right in.

Saying it out loud makes it feel more real than I imagined. Thoughts swirl and images and scenarios are a constant in my mind. I have spent the past few days looking at my almost-2-year-old-not-really-a-baby-anymore and getting teary. There’s a very good chance that we will have another child in our life and not even meet Him or Her until they have lived at much life as Nicholas now at almost 2.

I say a prayer for all of the little ones in the world and all of the parents. For Grief and Loss I will never be able to understand and for Love so big that it crosses miles and oceans and mountains.

And I (we) have been kind of jumping in lately. Amongst the ever so slight Spring Thaw and warm-ish breezes, my soul has felt full this past week as we really consider our plans long-term for our family. It feels so big some days that it feels like I could just suffocate amongst it all.

But then a warm day comes along where we can have the windows open and nap listening to the birds and play outside and feel the sunshine on our backs and that’s really what matters at the end of the day. The other stuff we’ll take little by little, one baby step at a time.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. February 22, 2011 3:29 pm

    what lovely words.

    we are too climbing up and out financially – and being reminded in our discomfort that there are more important things.

  2. February 22, 2011 4:37 pm

    Wow…beautiful post. Do the words come as effortlessly to you as they read here? If so, I’m envious of your ability to get what seems to be such clarity in your thoughts down on paper. You are awesome.

  3. February 22, 2011 8:17 pm

    this is a beautiful post … it really resonates with me right now. we’ve been doing some heavy soul-searching lately, as well.

    on a totally separate note, i love your blue mason jar … is that your mantle? your decorating eye seems to be right up my alley. ❤

  4. February 23, 2011 2:14 pm

    Such an amazing post Lillian. We too are exploring adoption right now.

  5. February 25, 2011 8:55 am

    Your last couple posts have really touched me. I wanted to swing by and let you know that.

  6. February 26, 2011 1:15 am

    This week we celebrated the 1 year anniversary of our daughter from Ethiopia joining our family…adoption is an amazing journey. Blessings to you as you keep searching.

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