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Cough and Quiet

December 17, 2012

I have a cough that might make you stop in your tracks if you heard me in public.  It would at least make you turn your head and cringe a little and wish I weren’t out in public – I’ve been getting a lot of sideways glances.  My neighbor crossed the street this morning as I coughed while I got Nick in the car to go to kindergarten pickup just to ask me if I was ok.  A customer at work the other day tried to tell me that he knew that kind of cough and that I needed Vitamin C to “clear it right up.”  I’ve had bronchitis since September, but felt fine most of the time (other than the constant annoyance of coughing) but I’ve been avoiding everyone I know and it feels almost like a habit now.  Not necessarily an excuse, but this thing in the back of my head that makes me worry that anyone who has someone in their family who gets sick within a week of seeing me if going to curse my name under their breath and think, “See, I knew she couldn’t be right when she said the doctors said she’s not contagious!”  The thing is, I really don’t have anything contagious at this point. I went to the doctor for the hundredth time this morning again and she triple re-confirmed for me that I have some sort of nasty super-bug that has happily taken up residence in my chest and just doesn’t plan to leave without a fight, but I’m really not spreading it around after this long – they even sent my gunk away for a culture to double check. (I know you wanted to know that.)   I’ve done two round of antibiotics, three rounds of steroids, I have two different inhalers and a nebulizer and I just got a prescription to start an asthma medication to see if it will help to give my lungs a bit of a break.  So it’s being addressed and I feel fine other than mostly the cough at this point, but the cough still just sounds terrible.

I’m not saying all of this to say Oh Poor Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I’m saying it to admit out loud that this fall of being sick has made me withdraw into myself and I kind of like it.  It’s not at all in a depressing sort of way, but it is selfish, and it  feels good to have a reason to not put so much on the schedule and have fewer obligations and makes me want to prioritize that a bit more.  I’m kind of awful about prioritizing taking care of myself and all of this staying home has made me add a nap to my afternoon a little more often which is about as wonderful as it gets in life.  This winter is calling my name with the promise of quiet and snow days and warm mugs of tea and coffee and soups and snuggling with my family and blankets on my lap.  I have a lot of people that I want to make plans with and I am so looking forward to spending time with them – hopefully quiet mornings over cups of coffee while the kids run around.   Walks in the morning, all bundled up, on days that don’t have negative wind-chill factors. Maybe a hike in the woods through some snow if I can find someone else who’s up for it.  Cheeks all rosy from playing in the snow and time to do a bit of catch-up in the de-cluttering department and some cleaning that has been pushed aside for a bit too long (I looked at the baseboards in my bedroom this morning and *maybe* need to put them at the top of the list for cleaning, especially since sleeping with all of that dust can’t possible be good for bronchitis.)

How about you?  Are you ready for the upcoming quiet after the holidays? Do you dread it like the plague?

7 Comments leave one →
  1. December 17, 2012 3:20 pm

    I’m a school teacher, so I LOVE the holidays. I look forward to being able to read books that I choose for a change.

    • Lillian permalink*
      December 17, 2012 9:54 pm

      Oh, yes, that would make it even more special to have that time off from school! Enjoy your books:)

  2. December 17, 2012 8:35 pm

    Sorry you’re having such a rough time with that cough. Eat pears…natural decongestants. 🙂 As for enjoying time out from the social scene…I know that feeling quite well. Somewhere along the way, I learned a bit about removing myself without guilt. I do that. I need that. It does feel good when you need it and allow yourself that space, the quiet. Be well, friend.

    • Lillian permalink*
      December 17, 2012 9:56 pm

      I will definitely try the pears, I’m willing to try anything at this point! I’m still working on removing myself without guilt – I think that’s why I’ve been feeling like this is a justification. I’m working on it, though:) Same to you – enjoy your holidays!

  3. December 17, 2012 9:12 pm

    I am longing for peace, quiet and calm. Love the holidays, but looking forward to the sweet quiet. Feel better Lilian.

    • Lillian permalink*
      December 17, 2012 9:56 pm

      Sweet quiet is the perfect description:)

  4. December 17, 2012 9:59 pm

    oh, i hope you feel better soon. I lean toward introversion, so I LOVE my quiet time to myself — i wake up early just to steal some of it during the day. and i think your photos are lovely. Merry almost Christmas, to you and yours, Lillian!

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